SEEN, GOING DEEPER

I was recently challenged to participate in a forum at my church for artists where I was given the prompt SEEN and asked to create a work about how I feel seen. To sit with yourself, examine your heart, your thoughts, your perceptions and the image of how you feel viewed by the world around you, the reflection in the mirror, the God you profess to love, it's not an easy task to sit with by any means. I go about my life, interact with those placed in my life, am lucky to feel loved and accepted and encouraged throughout my days, but the question I ask is this. At what point do I feel really truly deeply SEEN? Is it when you can name the color of my eyes? When you notice the newest additions to my wardrobe or the "subtle" changes of my hair? Is it when you can name my music preferences or guess the thoughts bouncing around in my head? Is it when you acknowledge me or when you can read me like a book? Or is it when the deepest caverns of my soul - the desires of my heart are revealed?

What does it mean to be SEEN?

I seek to know myself in such a manner that I could tell others that this is me, SEE me as I am. I seek to go Deeper into the presence of the one who created me - thinking, hoping, dreaming that I'll find the best version of myself. But here is the thing, the Deeper I go into Him, the Deeper I go into myself. Self examination lends to a discovery of the ugly, the twisted, the warped, the uncertain corners of me. It's not pretty, it's not quite good, it's with the knowledge that I am no where near the best of me.

I won't tell you the pieces of me I like least, the pieces I face in the mirror or hide inside my heart. But I would like to share what I begin to understand as the reality of who I am. As I seek my God and go deeper and deeper and deeper into Him, the pieces of me that I like least begin to fall away - they begin to matter less, define me lesser, and suddenly I am free to be transparent in what they are. Ask me and I will tell you, prod me and I will care, know me in all my nature, all my flaws, all my passions, and all of my Desires for the One who formed me.

This is called DEEPER, it is for me, the discovery of how I AM SEEN. May you go Deeper and Deeper and Deeper into Him and in the process be drawn deeper into yourself and the role He plays in your magnificent Identity, dark, twisty and as wonderful as that is.

THERE IS A BLACK CHORD
THAT WRAPS ITSELF AROUND ME
IT KNOWS MY THOUGHTS,
MY INSECURITIES,
MY INTIMACIES, WELL
IT SLITHERS AND IT SLIDES
AND IT BURROWS ITSELF INTO ME
A SNAKE BENEATH MY SKIN,
A VIPER OF THE VEINS
HARD TO BREATHE
HARD TO MOVE
HARD TO BE
IT IS MOLDED, I FEAR,
TO MY VERY BEING.
I WISH THAT I COULD BE
UNREFINED
UNDEFINED
UNCONTAINED
BY THESE BITS AND PIECES OF ME
THESE FAULTS OF MINE
IF I COULD BUT HAVE
THE EYES TO SEE
WHAT IS BEYOND MYSELF
IF I COULD BUT BLINK
AND BE FREE
OF THIS BINDING CAGE.

I HEAR YOU
LIKE A SOLITARY FOOTSTEP
LIKE A WHISPER FROM WITHIN
SEPARATE AND YET THE SAME
I FEEL YOU
LIKE A FLUTTER, A FLICKER OF THE WIND
LIKE AN URGING
-TO STAND
-TO MOVE
- TO DO.
A RACING OF MY HEART
A DEEP BREATH
INHALE, EXHALE
YOU ARE THESE
AND THEY ARE ME.

YOU CALL ME DEEPER
AND I AM DROWNING
IN THIS LOVE
IN THIS HOPE
IN THIS UNCONSTRICTED SENSE OF YOU
I FEEL THE BINDS BEGIN TO LOOSEN
YOU CALL ME DEEPER
AND I AM DROWNING
IN ALL THAT I KNOW YOU TO BE
INTO UNCHARTED TERRITORY
INTO THE VERY DEPTHS OF ME
YOU CALL ME DEEPER
AND I AM DROWNING
AND I AM FREE
BOUND NO MORE
MY PERCEPTIONS OF ME -
FOREVER RUINED
DEAD BENEATH THE WATERS
YOU CALL ME DEEPER
AND I AM DROWNING
IN FREEDOM
IN FEARLESS ABANDON
IN FAITHFUL SURRENDER
YOU CALL ME DEEPER
AND I AM DROWNING
IN THE DEPTHS OF YOU
IN THE SIGHT OF YOU
IN YOUR VERY ESSENCE, LORD

MAY I HAVE THE EYES TO SEE
WHAT YOU SEE
TO KNOW WHAT YOU
WOULD HAVE ME KNOW
TO LOVE AS YOU HAVE LOVED
AND CONTINUE TO LOVE
TO BE AS YOU
UNREFINED
UNCONTAINED
UNBOUND
AND UNENDINGLY IN THE DEPTHS OF YOU.