And it begins. . .
I wasn't going to start a blog until I left for Hawaii, but the more I prepare to leave my home the more I realize my journey has already begun. . .
As I box up what has been the past 21 years of my life and pack up what will be at least the next 6 months of it, I feel. . . I feel wonder, excitement, and thrill. . . I feel sadness, self doubt, and fear. I think of this new journey a lot like the start of Kindergarten or Sunday School. Here you are, a small a child - a fairly new human being, and your thrust in to a world of strangers all stuck in the same situation as you. You have to remember how to walk and talk (sometimes at the same time!). You have to remember how to do all your best tricks (burping the abc's, doing a somersault, gleeking, etc. . .) so that you can impress all of your new buddies. AND, on top of it all, you have to retain the new information you are supposed to be learning. THAT is a LOT of pressure on a small child. Here I am at 21-years-old and I am feeling like it is going to be the first day of Sunday School again. Except here is the thing. If on my first day there I trip and fall because I forgot how to walk and talk at the same time, I don't have the excuse of being new to walking to fall back on. Bummer. This just became scarier than the first day of school. . .
I can picture arrival day now. . . I am walking on to campus trying to figure out exactly where I am supposed to go. I am actually feeling rather proud of myself because I thought ahead and I am NOT wearing the pair of heels I could not bare to leave behind in rainy Bellingham (where they would not have been put to good use). But, in fact, I am wearing some rather comfortable flip flops. Reassurance for my mind that I will not trip today! So, I am walking on campus huffing and puffing and lugging behind me my bag which I tried to keep light, but lets face it, 6 months of my life! Of course I took that 50 pound bag limit for all it was worth, e-v-e-r-y l-a-s-t o-u-n-c-e. Lugging, and pulling, and huffing, and puffing. . . and I start to wonder, did I put on deodorant? Okay, so I am sure I put on deodorant, but it is really hot here and the nerves are kicking in and my palms are sweaty. I should have put deodorant on my hands! Back to the lugging, and huffing, and puffing, and the trying to figure out where I am supposed to go. And, of course the trying not to trip in front of the load of 40 strangers I am about to meet. As fate would have it there is a crack in the ground just ahead. I don't see it because it is not directly in front of me but is off to the side. (This is where you should learn something about me, if you don't already know it, I am completely 100% incapable of walking in a straight line.) In my effort to walk in a straight line and pull 50 pounds of luggage behind me, I am drawn to the side toward the crack in the ground by the invisible lines of fate. One step. . . two steps. . . three steps forward. . .flimsy flip flop in crack. . . arms splaying out. . . falling forward. . . and finally contact with the ground. I am fine, barely a scratch even, and pretty much no one laughed, but really! I just tripped in front of the 40 strangers I will be living with for the next 6 months!
Okay, so the chances of this product of my wild imagination actually coming true are very small (well I might trip, but I am sure I will recover very fast - maybe no one will see and maybe I will wear tennis shoes just in case), but if you picture that scenario running through my mind every single night. That is somewhat where my emotional status is at as I prepare to leave. Excitement for a new adventure, fear of the unknown, and the desire to be and show my best. That and the knowledge of just how much I am going to miss all of you I am leaving behind.
"The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make His face shine upon you,
and be gracious to you;
the Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
and give you peace."
Numbers 6: 24-26
As I box up what has been the past 21 years of my life and pack up what will be at least the next 6 months of it, I feel. . . I feel wonder, excitement, and thrill. . . I feel sadness, self doubt, and fear. I think of this new journey a lot like the start of Kindergarten or Sunday School. Here you are, a small a child - a fairly new human being, and your thrust in to a world of strangers all stuck in the same situation as you. You have to remember how to walk and talk (sometimes at the same time!). You have to remember how to do all your best tricks (burping the abc's, doing a somersault, gleeking, etc. . .) so that you can impress all of your new buddies. AND, on top of it all, you have to retain the new information you are supposed to be learning. THAT is a LOT of pressure on a small child. Here I am at 21-years-old and I am feeling like it is going to be the first day of Sunday School again. Except here is the thing. If on my first day there I trip and fall because I forgot how to walk and talk at the same time, I don't have the excuse of being new to walking to fall back on. Bummer. This just became scarier than the first day of school. . .
I can picture arrival day now. . . I am walking on to campus trying to figure out exactly where I am supposed to go. I am actually feeling rather proud of myself because I thought ahead and I am NOT wearing the pair of heels I could not bare to leave behind in rainy Bellingham (where they would not have been put to good use). But, in fact, I am wearing some rather comfortable flip flops. Reassurance for my mind that I will not trip today! So, I am walking on campus huffing and puffing and lugging behind me my bag which I tried to keep light, but lets face it, 6 months of my life! Of course I took that 50 pound bag limit for all it was worth, e-v-e-r-y l-a-s-t o-u-n-c-e. Lugging, and pulling, and huffing, and puffing. . . and I start to wonder, did I put on deodorant? Okay, so I am sure I put on deodorant, but it is really hot here and the nerves are kicking in and my palms are sweaty. I should have put deodorant on my hands! Back to the lugging, and huffing, and puffing, and the trying to figure out where I am supposed to go. And, of course the trying not to trip in front of the load of 40 strangers I am about to meet. As fate would have it there is a crack in the ground just ahead. I don't see it because it is not directly in front of me but is off to the side. (This is where you should learn something about me, if you don't already know it, I am completely 100% incapable of walking in a straight line.) In my effort to walk in a straight line and pull 50 pounds of luggage behind me, I am drawn to the side toward the crack in the ground by the invisible lines of fate. One step. . . two steps. . . three steps forward. . .flimsy flip flop in crack. . . arms splaying out. . . falling forward. . . and finally contact with the ground. I am fine, barely a scratch even, and pretty much no one laughed, but really! I just tripped in front of the 40 strangers I will be living with for the next 6 months!
Okay, so the chances of this product of my wild imagination actually coming true are very small (well I might trip, but I am sure I will recover very fast - maybe no one will see and maybe I will wear tennis shoes just in case), but if you picture that scenario running through my mind every single night. That is somewhat where my emotional status is at as I prepare to leave. Excitement for a new adventure, fear of the unknown, and the desire to be and show my best. That and the knowledge of just how much I am going to miss all of you I am leaving behind.
"The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make His face shine upon you,
and be gracious to you;
the Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
and give you peace."
Numbers 6: 24-26
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